I Need a Friend With Benefits
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I Know You’ll Say “Well, Who Doesn’t?”, but Hear Me Out.
If you haven’t read it, or don’t remember it, please check out “I’ve Grown Sexually”, my first piece on this subject. The link is right below.
In that piece, I went out on a limb, and bared my soul. Overshared even, but all to illustrate how I’m not just some horny guy who wants it all, who wants to step out from home, because the grass is always greener on the other side.
No, I’d been monogamous for years, even turning down sexual favors or opportunities when presented to me on a silver platter. It was just a dry spell, after all. Then weeks became months. Months became years. Years spanned more than a decade… to the point where I’m almost 16 years into a dead bedroom.
I won’t rehash the written piece I just asked you to review. I just reread it myself. The history is mostly all there.
Not much has changed from when I wrote that piece almost eight months ago, except that my wife’s very high visibility job in our community is even more so now, due to a bump up. Everyone knows her, and most of them know me, or of me. Might as well have a 24x7 webcam aimed at me anywhere within ten+ miles of my home.
What has changed is that my planned visits to long-distance Friends with Benefits (FWB), my breaks to maintain my sanity, haven’t been able to happen this year and likely will not.
I had successful May/June and September/October travel windows in 2022 and 2023, usually traveling 2–3 weeks within those windows. Even though these two periods of sanity trips per year were not really a solution, they were a sorely needed stopgap, appreciated by my mind, body, and most importantly, my soul. They really kept me going.
After my May/June outing, I would easily coast through the busy summer, especially with the enjoyment and distraction of our college students at home, which would last until Labor Day, from which I would easily coast into my Sept/Oct travel window.
From Sept/Oct until the following May or June was a longer slog, but the holidays would likewise distract, and the weather where my FWBs are is not pretty during the winter months.
In April of this year, I came to the conclusion that I would not have these travel windows this year. This was bad news, because my local FWB prospects were still slim for the foreseeable future.
There have been no significant results to my search for a local FWB counterpart to myself, a woman with a dead bedroom or other situation, who would be able to take advantage of what I have to offer as a friend and sexual partner- discretion, respect, non-judgment, explorational curiosity, lack of inhibitions, and more. I’m still working on this, and it’s ironic that my current FWBs are so far away, but such is life.
And YES, most importantly, at home we’re trying to work through things as a couple. Slowly but surely, but more slowly during the summer with our college students at home. I’m open and giving it my all, but not very optimistic right now. It’s been sixteen years of dead bedroom, after all, but I’m doubling down here at home, again. It’s worth it.
I DO REALIZE, that I’m living in a dichotomy, talking out of both sides of my mouth, here… wanting to sincerely evolve out of my dead bedroom situation, while at the same time trying to relieve my human needs, the needs of my soul. I’m sure it looks like that on the surface… looking for one thing outside, while trying to realize another at home.
But if you’ve read my first piece, I’ve been very clear how my out-of-home FWB activity has been necessary to maintain my sanity, and relieve my soul. I won’t rehash what I wrote last time, especially since every word of my justification there is just as valid today, if not more.
What’s that old saying? To those who understand, no explanation is necessary. To those who don’t, no explanation will suffice.
So… here I am. Not that you can help me. (Unless you are or know my opposite sex counterpart in South Florida, LOL). But I need to vent, and for that I write.
I love my life, and my wife, but I want to (need to) grow in the ways I have expressed. To quote myself, “I can’t keep my sanity when sex is rare. I’m not only a sexual person, but a sexually adventurous person.”
After so many months since my last true sexual releases (on Labor Day weekend it will have been one year) I feel it in my bones. My soul is aching, yearning. My body is vibrating inside. My mind works overtime, trying to either reach my distant FWBs somehow, or find one locally.
I just know I need the passion of another body entwined with mine. The touch, the sounds, the tastes, the warmth, the release of the soul, the feeling of pleasuring another, and of receiving pleasure.
So where are we? Where am I?
I need a Friend with Benefits. Someone to be intimate with. It’s not necessary, but the jackpot would be someone who is also interested in exploring beyond one-on-one sexual situations.
In closing, as far as being fluent in the friends part of FWB, I know how to be friends, to respect someone- their real-life realities, commitments, and constraints- without wanting to change their life, or having them change mine outside of our friendship and intimacies together.
I’ll again quote myself from my last piece, “I’ve done that in my friends-with-benefits situations, and understand respect and friendship can co-exist with lots of sex and not falling in love or anything beyond respect and good friendships.”
I have drawn, and know how to draw that line. The story I’ve written here, One Day in Vienna, is fiction, but based on substantial nuggets of real-life truth, especially the respect and friendly relationships with friends with benefits.”
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